Why Asking for Help Feels So Hard (And How to Do It Without Losing Your Independence)

For as long as I can remember, I’ve struggled to ask for help.

Not because I didn’t need it.
Not because people weren’t willing.

But because asking for help felt like failure.

I’m an independent, capable, figure-it-out kind of person. I pride myself on getting things done—on my own.

So, if I asked for help, what did that mean?
That I wasn’t strong enough?
That I couldn’t handle it?
That I was failing at something I should be able to manage?

Yeah. No thanks. I’d rather rearrange a whole room of furniture by myself than ask someone to lend a hand. (And yes, this has resulted in my husband walking in, laughing, and shaking his head at me multiple times.)

If this sounds even a little familiar, you’re not alone.

Let’s talk about why asking for help feels so uncomfortable—especially for ambitious people like us—and how to do it without losing your independence (or your mind).

The “I Should Be Able to Handle This” Trap

High-achievers love to believe we should be able to do it all.

We’ve built careers solving hard problems.
We’ve figured things out on our own before.
We’ve juggled a thousand responsibilities (and somehow survived).

So when we hit a point where we’re overwhelmed, exhausted, or just don’t know what the hell we’re doing, our first instinct isn’t to ask for help.

It’s to try harder.
To push through.
To prove we can handle it.
To believe we’re only struggling because we’re not working hard enough.

But here’s the thing:

No one gets through life (or business) alone.

Not the smartest, most capable people you admire.
Not the ones who look like they’ve got it all figured out.

Behind every “successful” person is a network of people supporting them—mentors, peers, friends, people they actually let in.

And the ironic part?

I actually thrive when working on a team. If we’re on a mission together, I’ll be the first to collaborate, problem-solve, and share the workload. But when it’s fully on me? That’s when asking for help feels different.

Because suddenly, it’s not us working toward a goal—it’s me admitting I can’t do it alone.

And for a long time, I thought that was the goal.

To prove I could keep up.
To prove I could stand out.
To prove I never needed a handout.

If you told me back then that “it takes a village,” I probably would’ve smiled politely while internally thinking, That’s cute, but I’ve got this.

Fast forward to today?
Oh, I get it now.

Well… I’m getting it.

The Fear of Losing Your Independence

If you’re reading this thinking, Okay, but I don’t want to rely on people, I get it.

I’ve spent years believing:

✅ Asking for help would make me less independent.
✅ I’d lose control over how things got done.
✅ People would see me differently (aka: weaker, less capable).

But here’s what I’m learning:

Asking for help doesn’t make you less independent.

It makes you strategic.

The strongest, most capable people aren’t the ones doing everything alone.

They’re the ones who know when to lean on others—without losing themselves in the process.

And that’s something I’m still figuring out.

For years, I ignored the power of community. I didn’t want to stand out or feel like I was getting special treatment. I wanted to blend in, prove my worth, and handle things on my own.

I had support, but I didn’t always feel it—because I never let myself fully lean into it.

I’m still unlearning the myth of solo success.

And when I started paying attention, I noticed something:

The people I admired most—the ones who had built real success (the kind that didn’t feel like an exhausting, never-ending grind)?

They weren’t doing it alone.

They had:

• Business besties to brainstorm with.

• Mentors to help them navigate the hard stuff.

• A community of people cheering them on.

They weren’t proving their strength by struggling alone.

They were building something sustainable…because they let people in.

How to Ask for Help (Without Feeling Like You’re Failing)

If asking for help makes you cringe, start here:

1. Get Clear on What You Actually Need

Sometimes we don’t ask for help because we don’t even know what kind of help we need.

Instead of saying, “I need help” (which can feel vague and uncomfortable), try:

✅ “Can you help me brainstorm solutions?”
✅ “I could use another set of eyes on this. Are you open to reviewing it?”
✅ “I’m feeling stuck—can I run something by you?”

The more specific you are, the easier it is to ask.

2. Reframe It as Strength, Not Weakness

Think about the people you admire most.

Are they doing everything alone?

Nope.

They’re leading teams, collaborating, delegating, and knowing when to tap into support.

The strongest leaders don’t resist help.

They know it makes them better.

3. Recognize That No One Can Read Your Mind

This one hit me hard.

I had someone recently tell me:

“People can’t help you if you don’t tell them how.”

Read that again.

We expect people to just notice when we’re struggling. To jump in automatically. To somehow know we need support.

But most of the time?

People want to help, but they have no idea what you need.

If you don’t tell them, they can’t show up for you.

4. Start Small

If the thought of asking for help still makes you panic, ease into it.

✅ Say yes when someone offers.
✅ Ask a small favor first.
✅ Practice with people you trust.

The more you do it, the easier it gets.

Final Thoughts: Let People In (Even When It Feels Uncomfortable)

If you’re in a season where you feel alone in the grind, know this:

You’re not failing.
You’re not weak for needing support.
You’re not alone (even if it feels like it).

And you don’t have to do this by yourself.

Because the strongest people aren’t the ones who “go it alone.”

They’re the ones who know who to let in.

Break first. Bloom later. Let people in.

🌿 Kris